As we come into adulthood, we start to figure out what we like, what we don’t, how often we want to do things we really don’t want to, etc. Sure, there are certain things you’re obligated to do, like go to your siblings graduation, or help grandma with her groceries.  However, learning to set healthy personal and professional boundaries are critical as you come into adulthood. I’m outlining the 5 Secrets To Setting Boundaries in 2017…

5 Secrets To Setting Boundaries in 2017

#1 Name Your Limits

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, and mental limits. Consider what you can tolerate/accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. Those feelings help us identify what our limits are. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable or perplexed, you should tune into those feelings and even rank them on a scale of 1-10. Anything that’s above a 7 and you’ve probably reached your boundary on the topic or issue.

 

#2 Assess, Redistribute and Repeat

When you’re feeling like you’re at a 7-10 on your limit scale, it doesn’t necessarily mean you just throw up your hands & walk away. Shoot, if I did that every time I felt overwhelmed, I’d be sitting in bed 23 hours of the day, 7 days a week…

Assess: what’s making you feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or stressed? Is it a person, a circumstance, a deadline, the task at hand? Ask yourself, if I had ____, would it make me feel better? Let me give you an example: I have a tendency to say, “yes” to more than I really want to handle. I get overwhelmed and start working multiple projects at once, taking up 60+ hours per week (if not more). I have to step back ask myself, “if I had {insert helping word here}  another person who knew how to do help with scheduling my blog posts and could help with content ideas, that would eliminate at least 3+ hours per week. Luckily, Jocelyn and I bounce ideas off one another regularly, but you get the idea.

Redistribute: What can I push off my plate, so my skill set is better utilized? If I come up with the content and ideas on what to write, but I had someone who was uber organized that could schedule them into our editorial calendar, that’s an administrative task, that I could push off my plate, which would be helpful! The same concept can be applied in several different settings.

Repeat: does this really need an explanation? (lol, I bet not) 🙂

 

#3 Self Awareness & Self Permission 

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are major factors when we’re setting personal and professional boundries. We’re worried we’re going to disappoint someone or a boss. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.”

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

 

#4 Be Direct

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary. Communication is important. You can set all the boundaries you want, but people don’t know you’ve set them, you’re dead in the water, my friend!

In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it!

 

#5 Baby Steps

Rome wasn’t built in a day (don’t you ever wish you were there when Rome WAS actually built? It’d be kind of amazing…but, that’s besides the point). It takes time and practice to figure out where your boundaries are and what your breaking point might be. Start small and don’t think you’re going to get it right, nor the person who might overstep will get it right… the first or the second time around.

 

Lastly, if all else fails, just get yourself a rock-n-roll ripped denim jacket like this one below, throw it on with some red lipstick & tell the clown to back the F up…. =)

 

 

 

 

What other advice can you share with us? Has there been a time when you had to re-communicate a boundary that someone crossed?

Until next time,

Chelsey